The facts: Kegs, Teachers, and Sarcasm

I work at a comic book store. There are a million things I could say about this, but the fact that I work at a comic book store is only the preface for the previous night. My boss, Steve, turned fifty-one and his wife, Carla, turned fifty, which leads to one logical conclusion: a keg party.

A keg party composed of 4/5 teachers (Carla is a teacher) and 1/5 sarcastic, middle-aged men who are occasional prone to working at a comic store. The evening, while relatively uneventful, taught me quite a number of facts.

Fact one: Teachers like to drink. I mean, sure, almost everyone likes to drink, but for some reason I never really pictured my teachers getting smashed on the weekends (except for those occasional teachers that come in hung over on Mondays).

Fact two: Some ladies are pretentious ass-holes. My boss was showing the sarcastic middle-aged men some original art-work in a room upstairs (I’m lumped into this group because while I may not be middle-aged, I am sarcastic and do work at a comic store). It was awesome, but then two ladies searching for a bathroom stumbled in and said, “What is this, a nerd convention?” They snickered and walked away. Luckily, the wittiest of our bunch called out, “Screw you…Bitch.” He dragged out the pronunciation of bitch. Unfortunately, she didn’t hear it. We still snickered.

Fact three: My boss is kind of awesome. He had bandit statue on a piano (the dog from Johnny Quest) and a set of every single ‘monster’ from Where the Wild Things Are. There are other factors that contribute to his awesomeness, like the fact that he was in David Bowie cover band, but I’ll save those for some other time…

Fact four: Don’t ever talk to the vegan guy that brings a cooler of bud select to a party where bud select is on tap.

Fact five: When you’re the only the only minor at a keg party, everyone suspects that you are constantly trying to steal alcohol. Seriously, I went to the porch to get a coke and the ten people immediately stopped talking and stared at me like I had committed a murder.

And I’ll leave it at that.

Joel Samson Berntsen (Nick Lowe-The Club)