You fell into a toxic sewer while intoxicated: Game Over

It should be noted, due to confusion, that this about a board game named Life.

The Game of Life needs an update. The game’s initial appeal of experiencing the perfect life has worn off. It’s not only boring, but offers no diversified options or endings. As the game progresses very little changes; pay day, pay off the mechanic, have twins, pay day, pay a superstar, etc. This is droll and in the end people have the most fun watching what happens to their pawn. Problem is, hardly anything happens to the pawn. They chose a career, get married, have kids, make money, lose money: The core events in ‘life’. However, so much more happens in today’s everyday ‘life’.

Take, for instance, the divorce rate. About fifty percent of marriages end in failure nowadays. Why not have that in the wondrous game of Life? Oh, I’m sorry Jennifer, your husband of ten years just left you for a prostitute named Virginia: Lose one turn. If that happened, not only I, but everyone I know would be on the floor laughing at poor, old Jennifer.

After introducing divorce, the game could then rob the players of their children. Sorry Christina, Ray got the kids in the divorce settlement. Disease would then be introduced. George has been diagnosed with a brain cancer: three turns left. This would make it the game infinitely more enjoyable. No longer would the game of life focus on who has amassed the most money, but who’s survived the over-whelming obstacle known as life.

Joel Samson Berntsen (I’m Not Okay- My Chemical Romance)